Backwards, how perfect. In exactly three minutes will be 10:41 AM. Go backwards eleven years and I am giving birth to my first born child, Madison Frances Huber. She arrived a month early and she arrived fast and easy. Perfectly healthy, perfectly beautiful. She had more hair on her head then any baby I have ever seen, and I have not seen a baby with so much hair since. Black hair.
Chris and I were delioursly happy. We now see new moms and dads, the circles under the eyes...zombie like appeareance. But we also can imagine the pure joy and love they see each and every time they look at their gift from God.
Backwards again. Madison is 18 months old. We are at the doctor's office, Madison has RSV and has developed a rash on her legs. They draw blood and tell us that something is really wrong. Her platlet levels are 4,000. They are supposed to be between 150,000 and 400,000. They send us to St.Jude's Affiliate Hospital, where we meet a child oncologoist who tells he thinks it is ITP (an unexplained blood disorder). Not till we get home does it all hit me. I lock myself in the bathroom and call me my mom, sobbing and crying. The next year was ups and downs. Everytime she got sick, her levels would drop low. She had to take steroids. She would have deep bruises all over her legs, her arms, even where her seatbelt would lay in her skin. Our first huge scare and challenge as parents. We were young, naive, scared......but we just took it day by day.
Fast forward to today. Three children now. All healthy and beautiful, smart and funny. Madison and I are sooo much alike, we often butt heads. Chris and her are closer now then we are and that is hard. But she is good at expressing her feelings and I need to keep that connection open. I need to be thankful that she is here, happy and wonderful. And I have to remind myself in the hard times about the feelings we had the day she was born. The feelings we had when there could have been something really wrong. And the feelings of pride we have when we look at who she has become.
Happy 11th birthday, my first born daughter.